Dear me,
You know I feel like, even after all this time, like I have two different choices when really I can have neither. I will never have Paige, how can that be so clear to me but I still go after her like she's a vaible option? and Ana is gone as well but I still treat it just like the paige option.
I need an out, I need a third person, that way I can be like oh heres the only choice I do have.
I dont think Crystal is that option just so you know, I'm putting this on the record that things this year will only get worse.
At least we are passing college.
That would be nice.
You're an asshole.
Keith.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
A little like turned into a crush. Now you want to things to her and its driving you crazy.
Because Im allowed to.
Ranting about the girls i like. I dont actually think I like Karina I think I just wan to flirt with somthing.
I was going to talk about her in my last blog post.
listen heres the deal man, I think I forgot how to firlt or somthing maybe online thing has no chemistry? maybe she thinks im too old. im like only a few months ahead of her though.
The point is it's like whats the point of chasing after her Im all the way here, and I dont think she is intrested.
So theres that.
and that really it besides like I cant seem to lock her in conversation. or somthing Idk, I thought I was talking about some intresting stuff, also I know she's just been though a break up and stuff but I just cant see how to get IN and open her up... actually wait im thinking too much like me I dont want her to open up I just need her attention or somthing, I dont this whole thing is dumb and doomed to fail.
I think I need some encouragement to continue or at least validation that i'm right.
Also Im letting in the full birds. I think maybe they deserve to see my thoughts.
Ranting about the girls i like. I dont actually think I like Karina I think I just wan to flirt with somthing.
I was going to talk about her in my last blog post.
listen heres the deal man, I think I forgot how to firlt or somthing maybe online thing has no chemistry? maybe she thinks im too old. im like only a few months ahead of her though.
The point is it's like whats the point of chasing after her Im all the way here, and I dont think she is intrested.
So theres that.
and that really it besides like I cant seem to lock her in conversation. or somthing Idk, I thought I was talking about some intresting stuff, also I know she's just been though a break up and stuff but I just cant see how to get IN and open her up... actually wait im thinking too much like me I dont want her to open up I just need her attention or somthing, I dont this whole thing is dumb and doomed to fail.
I think I need some encouragement to continue or at least validation that i'm right.
Also Im letting in the full birds. I think maybe they deserve to see my thoughts.
by the time the bar closes and you feel like falling down. I'll carry you home
Dear Past self,
Take comfort in knowing that no matter how old you are you will always love just typing down all of your mundane thoughts. If the by off chance we get famous future generations will know what we were thinking and how we felt at any moment in our lives! This may or may not affect our political career.
Another piece of advice, something that I have slowly been applying to my life and truly have begun to realize is exactly how inunique we are. Here's the only example you will care about; everyone has the same exact relationship with Paige. You are just one of a hundred it seems like. Fortunately we learned in the 9th grade that to impress a girl and being "worthy" doesn't mean shit. It demostrates low self worth and basicly just serves to piss the girl off. It doesnt matter if you're "worthy". Let me explain how the world works. No one deserves anyone.
At first that seems pretty dark right? In a sense yes, but I'm not saying everyone is a horrible person and by some sense of justice we all deserve to only die alone, no-but of course you would go straight there at your age. What I mean by this is, we are all human beings, no-one is greater then anyone else (except celeberties, beautiful people, legal tax payers and the rich). A majority of the sane non-spoiled bad egg girls don't see them selves like you do, they know their every fault, so they feel when you elavate them you are lying to them. In a sense you are objectifing them. Ironic right? Here you are trying to unobjectify them, show them you see all their strengths and try to say they are objects of vaule, but instead you're still making them objects, you are taking away their humanity. People only every want to be treated like people, like equals. And thats part of the reasoning behind how I/we treat the girls I/we like now and days; like everyone else. Do you see what I am trying to get at here? Putting someone on the pedistool is taking away thier faults, and failings are exactly what make us human. Loving someone is taking everything and then dealing with it. That is a small part of why assholes win.
Another thing we kinda learned today. If you didn't win her then, the chances are you never will.
You only really get one shot. Honestly you should only ever need one shot. Unfortunately we will not be able to apply this lesson for a very long time. Probably never. Let me tell you we thought about it, just cutting Paige off. It wasn't easy and we even tried to like slowly stop. It's not going to happen. Paige is now ever more so a part of us, the relationship between us is a defining part of who we are. She affects the decisions we make, its don't not like we change our entire life for her, cleary not otherwise we would be trapped in Sahvanna hating all existance, but she is sitll in the thought process as a hey would she approve of this just like we think hey would blake approve of this or would my mom approve of this? To be us we need Paige, its just how it is going to work from now on.
Third, today we thought Im not like that guy because I have a chance at 27 to "win". I am not Brett. Nor am I Chaz, nor am I John or that fuckface Skylar. I am not one of Paiges lovers or even a real ex. We are a boy who wandered into her 8th grade year tripped into love (or some sort of obessive love lust) and cause a few problems, moved and then helped her form her life. I used to think I climbed out of the friendzone. My young friend that hasn't happened. We are still in the friend zone. Keep in mind that every thing she has said to you, she probably has said to others.
What does this all add up to? The main lesson that we are going to learn all though our life is very simple. "It is absolutly not about us." thats it, the sun doesnt revovle around you. We know that and we understand what that means, but it's so hard to live, so hard to apply. Everyone we know knows the same amount of people who have the same type of problems we do. When we take that knowledge and apply it we can understand people motives slightly better, maybe offend them less and help more. the thing is remebering to apply that.
It should be noted that not everyone knows this, and as such you should never trust anyone again. Not with your heart at least. No one can handle it, just like perhaps you shouldnt be trusted either.
I will say that I am proud of us, today we tried very hard to not make it about us and we almost succeeded.
Paige, you know I love you, and I know you're not in love with me, and I get that you don't think you deserve all these guys who chase after you, and you're probably right, when it comes down to it you're a very ordinary girl. But also realize you got alot of things that make you worth it. I told you today I see my self in you, and you know I do, I see so much of myself in you. The procasternator, the need to please everyone, the fear of being a cause of pain. The absolute need to be accepted, love of dogs, and bad tv shows. The hiding the truth for as long as possible to avoid confrontation. The desire to just be upfront and blunt, and the attention span-if you notice I change subjects like crazy in these. I forgot the point I was making.
I guess I love you and know I only ever say whats on my mind.
Hope honesty counts for somthing.
Also we are still avoiding a question.
Alright past me. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow because this one is already too long.
Fuck the world
love
Keith.
Take comfort in knowing that no matter how old you are you will always love just typing down all of your mundane thoughts. If the by off chance we get famous future generations will know what we were thinking and how we felt at any moment in our lives! This may or may not affect our political career.
Another piece of advice, something that I have slowly been applying to my life and truly have begun to realize is exactly how inunique we are. Here's the only example you will care about; everyone has the same exact relationship with Paige. You are just one of a hundred it seems like. Fortunately we learned in the 9th grade that to impress a girl and being "worthy" doesn't mean shit. It demostrates low self worth and basicly just serves to piss the girl off. It doesnt matter if you're "worthy". Let me explain how the world works. No one deserves anyone.
At first that seems pretty dark right? In a sense yes, but I'm not saying everyone is a horrible person and by some sense of justice we all deserve to only die alone, no-but of course you would go straight there at your age. What I mean by this is, we are all human beings, no-one is greater then anyone else (except celeberties, beautiful people, legal tax payers and the rich). A majority of the sane non-spoiled bad egg girls don't see them selves like you do, they know their every fault, so they feel when you elavate them you are lying to them. In a sense you are objectifing them. Ironic right? Here you are trying to unobjectify them, show them you see all their strengths and try to say they are objects of vaule, but instead you're still making them objects, you are taking away their humanity. People only every want to be treated like people, like equals. And thats part of the reasoning behind how I/we treat the girls I/we like now and days; like everyone else. Do you see what I am trying to get at here? Putting someone on the pedistool is taking away thier faults, and failings are exactly what make us human. Loving someone is taking everything and then dealing with it. That is a small part of why assholes win.
Another thing we kinda learned today. If you didn't win her then, the chances are you never will.
You only really get one shot. Honestly you should only ever need one shot. Unfortunately we will not be able to apply this lesson for a very long time. Probably never. Let me tell you we thought about it, just cutting Paige off. It wasn't easy and we even tried to like slowly stop. It's not going to happen. Paige is now ever more so a part of us, the relationship between us is a defining part of who we are. She affects the decisions we make, its don't not like we change our entire life for her, cleary not otherwise we would be trapped in Sahvanna hating all existance, but she is sitll in the thought process as a hey would she approve of this just like we think hey would blake approve of this or would my mom approve of this? To be us we need Paige, its just how it is going to work from now on.
Third, today we thought Im not like that guy because I have a chance at 27 to "win". I am not Brett. Nor am I Chaz, nor am I John or that fuckface Skylar. I am not one of Paiges lovers or even a real ex. We are a boy who wandered into her 8th grade year tripped into love (or some sort of obessive love lust) and cause a few problems, moved and then helped her form her life. I used to think I climbed out of the friendzone. My young friend that hasn't happened. We are still in the friend zone. Keep in mind that every thing she has said to you, she probably has said to others.
What does this all add up to? The main lesson that we are going to learn all though our life is very simple. "It is absolutly not about us." thats it, the sun doesnt revovle around you. We know that and we understand what that means, but it's so hard to live, so hard to apply. Everyone we know knows the same amount of people who have the same type of problems we do. When we take that knowledge and apply it we can understand people motives slightly better, maybe offend them less and help more. the thing is remebering to apply that.
It should be noted that not everyone knows this, and as such you should never trust anyone again. Not with your heart at least. No one can handle it, just like perhaps you shouldnt be trusted either.
I will say that I am proud of us, today we tried very hard to not make it about us and we almost succeeded.
Paige, you know I love you, and I know you're not in love with me, and I get that you don't think you deserve all these guys who chase after you, and you're probably right, when it comes down to it you're a very ordinary girl. But also realize you got alot of things that make you worth it. I told you today I see my self in you, and you know I do, I see so much of myself in you. The procasternator, the need to please everyone, the fear of being a cause of pain. The absolute need to be accepted, love of dogs, and bad tv shows. The hiding the truth for as long as possible to avoid confrontation. The desire to just be upfront and blunt, and the attention span-if you notice I change subjects like crazy in these. I forgot the point I was making.
I guess I love you and know I only ever say whats on my mind.
Hope honesty counts for somthing.
Also we are still avoiding a question.
Alright past me. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow because this one is already too long.
Fuck the world
love
Keith.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Every begining is another begining's end.
Dear me,
First off I hope you find your way off myspce, that place is a mess. I'm sure you'll be glad to know that facebook provides the right amount of insanity and that perfect feeling of loneliness. Also as I have previously stated that life doesn't get easier you get tougher, well let me also inform you that the problems you face now don't actually change. She simply switchs names and accents and home twons and favorite books.
There are men who will always find a girl for the night, there are men who will never really care about women, there are men who fully objectify women, and then there are men who will always be chasing after that one perfect girl, casting aside all other options only to find themselves in a continous cycle of friendzones. Well, guess which one we are? And here's the kicker it's all our fault! Trust me one day you're going to realize exactly how many girls wanted to snatch you up for your own, and by then it'll be too late. The thing is we're holding on to this idea that we need the perfect person, also we still have this wierd solidity of monogamy. That's just somthing that doesnt exist in our peer group. We try so hard to find that one girl who hold the same truths we do all while trying to play it cool, we miss the oppertunities that pass us by. In our attempts to keep every promise we ever made, we lose friends and fail our goal. Our life is one ironic twist after another.
My point is tonight I realized I will never get the one girl that had a chance of freeing me from "The Oppression of Paige OP", as you so witfully called it (yes im making fun of you you're an idoit get over it) back. It's done she's gone. The circumstances behind how and why we lost her will curse you for a very long time. Surprizingly it will only be the second largest event. I guess we did learn alittle from that summer good job. So are we banking on 27? No. most likely not.
Give me some time, now that we know we can let go of Ana, that our promise is now null and viod and that we didnt give up on her she on us we can just accept reality and revert back into the cold ladykilling asshole we have become.
This might be the said asshole speaking but I love this stage, its when we literally say fuck everything and chase after anything and everything. I am shit we're already facebook married. It doesn't mean shit it's just a confinendce boaster. Yeah the girl is pretty cute and she fits the MO perfectly. Cute shy smart slightly off the beaten path, shes not right fit and she lives in CO.
Kid when you grow up you may realize we dont have the resolve to keep those promises to a naive little boy.
In our pursiut of personal satification, love, freedom and happiness we will destory everything we love and hold true. We are the real life tragic hero and this is our flaw. Selfishness.
Chin up lad, and when you get to the good part remember to soak it in and hold onto it for as long as you can. She's going to say we have the longest endurance and that just barely makes this a faction worth it.
Sincerely,
Keith
p.s
Keith Keith says "tonight you", you'll see.
First off I hope you find your way off myspce, that place is a mess. I'm sure you'll be glad to know that facebook provides the right amount of insanity and that perfect feeling of loneliness. Also as I have previously stated that life doesn't get easier you get tougher, well let me also inform you that the problems you face now don't actually change. She simply switchs names and accents and home twons and favorite books.
There are men who will always find a girl for the night, there are men who will never really care about women, there are men who fully objectify women, and then there are men who will always be chasing after that one perfect girl, casting aside all other options only to find themselves in a continous cycle of friendzones. Well, guess which one we are? And here's the kicker it's all our fault! Trust me one day you're going to realize exactly how many girls wanted to snatch you up for your own, and by then it'll be too late. The thing is we're holding on to this idea that we need the perfect person, also we still have this wierd solidity of monogamy. That's just somthing that doesnt exist in our peer group. We try so hard to find that one girl who hold the same truths we do all while trying to play it cool, we miss the oppertunities that pass us by. In our attempts to keep every promise we ever made, we lose friends and fail our goal. Our life is one ironic twist after another.
My point is tonight I realized I will never get the one girl that had a chance of freeing me from "The Oppression of Paige OP", as you so witfully called it (yes im making fun of you you're an idoit get over it) back. It's done she's gone. The circumstances behind how and why we lost her will curse you for a very long time. Surprizingly it will only be the second largest event. I guess we did learn alittle from that summer good job. So are we banking on 27? No. most likely not.
Give me some time, now that we know we can let go of Ana, that our promise is now null and viod and that we didnt give up on her she on us we can just accept reality and revert back into the cold ladykilling asshole we have become.
This might be the said asshole speaking but I love this stage, its when we literally say fuck everything and chase after anything and everything. I am shit we're already facebook married. It doesn't mean shit it's just a confinendce boaster. Yeah the girl is pretty cute and she fits the MO perfectly. Cute shy smart slightly off the beaten path, shes not right fit and she lives in CO.
Kid when you grow up you may realize we dont have the resolve to keep those promises to a naive little boy.
In our pursiut of personal satification, love, freedom and happiness we will destory everything we love and hold true. We are the real life tragic hero and this is our flaw. Selfishness.
Chin up lad, and when you get to the good part remember to soak it in and hold onto it for as long as you can. She's going to say we have the longest endurance and that just barely makes this a faction worth it.
Sincerely,
Keith
p.s
Keith Keith says "tonight you", you'll see.
First Callback.
Let me begin this first post like the very first blog I ever made. A direct break in format and acknowledge the fact that while I pretend I have an vast audience I am really writing to two people. The first and foremost the main proposed receiver of these letters, my past self at the age of 15 right at the middle of what I still feel to be the worst of my teenage angst years. The vast majority of my posts will be as if I have a device capable of transcending all of time to delieve messages to my younger self. The second member of the audience is the only person who I think will ever see these. Hi Paige. I want you to know that while sometimes- rather most times- I will say things that will actually sting, I love you more then any person in the world and the simple fact of the matter is you're the one person who is capable of dealing the most pain, whereas I'm sure the things I say will probably hurt just as deep. They say we hurt the ones we love.
That said and done.
Fuck the world.
Sincerely,
Keith
That said and done.
Fuck the world.
Sincerely,
Keith
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